I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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