dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
