Me too!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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