tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize