I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
