first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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