pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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