she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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