My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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