he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
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