We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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