Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
