your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
