I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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