remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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