I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
