just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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