Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
