that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
