imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
