it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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