My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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