i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
