I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
