well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
