You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
