some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
