Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
God I need to hump something, right now.
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