When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
