you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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