You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
