You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
