hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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