I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
