We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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