While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
