i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
