I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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