if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
