im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
