Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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