Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
