I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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