So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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