I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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