My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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