Betty ford says i'm here all night
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
