i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
