Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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