My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So vagazzling was a success
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
