I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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