its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
