Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
