I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do herpes really smell.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
