i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
