I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
