wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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