you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
