3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
