yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
