Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
