I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
