True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We need to get me chipped asap
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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